Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
