the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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