my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
