this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
