We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
