Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
