lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Randomize
