So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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