i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
This is the high leading the old right now
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
