We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
