I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
