You just made me feel so damn special
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
