im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
