My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
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