Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
