i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
