Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
