this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Randomize