the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
handjob tips. give me some.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
