I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
