just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
