Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
