BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
