JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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