Non-Jews are for practice
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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