My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
