I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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