That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize