oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
areolas are like halos for boobs.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
