i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
