hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize