he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Randomize
