You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
