Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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