I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize