You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
