ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
