I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
