Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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