every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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