So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
