theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
