I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
