there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
