I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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