LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
