i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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