too bad you live with your parents still
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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