don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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