So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
