she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
