As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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