i think my tv is drunk
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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