I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
