You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
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