You just made me feel so damn special
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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