I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize