I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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