If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
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