shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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