I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
