hell yes lets make some ravioli
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
