this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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