I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Randomize
