you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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