white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
