I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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