Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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