Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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