How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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