Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
