with your own penis?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
