It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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