Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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