Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
