my mouth tastes like poor choices
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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