guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
you traded sex for a burrito?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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