The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
