this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
