We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
