Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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