puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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