Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
