If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
