I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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