I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Come share oat with me in your robe
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
