There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
