i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
