do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Randomize
