I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
