gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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