His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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