Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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