tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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