I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
