remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
nutella sex= disaster
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
