why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
