I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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