well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
