I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
