ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
