I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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