I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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